Zippy in the mists of time

2026-01-19 / geek / emacs

This is my September 2026 #Emacs Carnival entry. Back in the mists of time, there was Zippy the Pinhead. For a while, zippy quotes were included as part of emacs, but they were not free, so they were removed.

Here, to help you “understand” Zippy are a couple of the comic strips Zippy One Zippy Two, but “understand” is the exactly the wrong word when it comes to Zippy.

Now, add to that even less context. Just the text of random zippy quotes and you’ve got … well, you tell me what you’ve got?

The last thing that happens in my emacs startup config displays a random Zippy quote on the status line. Here’s the code.

1 Zippy haunting my emacs config

* All's Well That Ends Well, YOW !!!
   Because, well, you've got to be able to M-x psychoanalyze-pinhead
   to fill a buffer and pass the time....

   Discussion of the demise of zippy in Emacs here:
    - http://forums.fedoraforum.org/showthread.php?t=302313

   You'll need a copy of the zippy quotes.  I pulled from here LONG ago..
   https://github.com/shentonfreude/dot-emacs/blob/master/yow.lines

#+BEGIN_SRC emacs-lisp :exports code
  (message "init.el finished. Yow !")
  (setq yow-file "~/.emacs.d/etc/yow.lines")
  (global-set-key "\ey" 'yow)		; my ANCIENT keybinding

  ;; This function gives me a zippy quote on the status line after
  ;; everything else in the config has settled down.
  ;; I'm sure there are better/cleaner ways...
  (defun display-yow-in-status-line ()
    "Display the result of yow in the status line once after 1 second of idle time."
    (interactive)
    (run-with-idle-timer 1 nil
                         (lambda ()
                           (let ((yow-output (yow)))
                             (message "%s" yow-output)))))
  (display-yow-in-status-line)

  #+END_SRC

2 psychoanalyze-pinhead

There also used to be “M-x psychoanalyze-pinhead” where you could endlessly fill a buffer with Rogerian analysis of zippy quotes: https://www.elsewhere.org/journal/archives/2001/10/07/psychoanalyze-pinhead/ I mean, who needs LLMs when you can watch a live analysis session of Zippy. There are some issues that keep the original code from working in modern Emacsen, and I meant to fixed them in time for this Emacs Carnival post, but didn’t quite get there.

There was also “M-x psychoanalyze-flammer” which analyzed a stream of inflammatory insults.

3 The new traditionalists

My startup fragment above shows how to pull the original, non-free zippy quotes. If you are a purist and don’t mind using some AI-generated quotes, here are some you might try.

YOW!

Give me 60 new quotes in the style of Zippy the Pinhead with more current cultural and historical references. 20 should be in classic zippy style 20 should should have a Mark-twain flavor 20 should have a kafka-esque twist. Separate them into sections, and maybe prefix things like “zippy sez:”, “Mark Twain Zippyism:” or similar.

3.1 Classic Zippy

zippy sez: “Am I logged into the Metaverse yet, or is this just a low-resolution IHOP in Sandusky?”
zippy sez: “YOW! My cryptocurrency is backed entirely by vintage Cheez-Whiz and discarded TikTok drafts!”
zippy sez: “Are we fine-tuning the AI language model yet, or did I accidentally swallow a microchip?”
zippy sez: “I’m having an existential crisis inside an abandoned Sears, but at least the Wi-Fi password is ‘Doughnut123’!”
zippy sez: “FOOLED YOU! I put my life savings into Nvidia microchips and a half-eaten sleeve of Oreos!”
zippy sez: “Is it safe to manifest a boba tea in a post-apocalyptic pop-up shop?”
zippy sez: “YOW! My smart-toaster just joined a union and demanded equity in my morning Pop-Tart!”
zippy sez: “I’m doomscrolling on a Roomba while singing the theme song to The Golden Girls!”
zippy sez: “Does the algorithm know I prefer my existential dread with extra ranch dressing?”
zippy sez: “BARBRA STREISAND! The podcaster told me my microbiome needs more air-fried Cheetos!”
zippy sez: “Are we experiencing a disruption in the supply chain, or is my Muppet persona taking over?”
zippy sez: “I demand a cloud-based refund for this unboxing video of a 1994 Buick LeSabre!”
zippy sez: “YOW! I’m getting 5G signals directly through my polyester leisure suit!”
zippy sez: “Can an autonomous vehicle find true love at an abandoned Blockbuster Video?”
zippy sez: “MY HEAD IS FULL OF SOURDOUGH STARTERS AND UNREAD EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS!”
zippy sez: “Is this an ASMR video of bubble wrap, or are my neurons just microdosing?”
zippy sez: “FOOLED YOU! The smartwatch says my resting heart rate is set to ’80s Synthpop!”
zippy sez: “I’m pivot-to-video-ing my way through a drive-thru Dutch Bros!”
zippy sez: “Are we having fun yet, or is this just a sponsored Instagram story about tooth enamel?”
zippy sez: “YOW! My smart fridge just unfollowed me on LinkedIn!”
* /

3.2 Mark Twain Flavor

Mark Twain Zippyism: “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still trying to log into its two-factor authentication. YOW!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to eat a bowl of Cap’n Crunch and check your spam folder.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything, except where you left the remote control for the air fryer.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Giving up social media is easy. I’ve done it a thousand times, usually right after downloading a new meditation app.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and leak your personal data.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who only watches 15-second cat videos on YouTube.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest, especially the algorithms on X.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work—and my electric scooter that needs charging!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “High culture is something that everyone wants to have read, but nobody wants to stream past episode two.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little influence in society, unless they’re selling crypto on Telegram!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Civilized people are only savage people who have learned to use contactless payment at the Buc-ee’s.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read, like the terms of service agreement!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first, before the Wi-Fi router.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Fact is stranger than fiction, but fiction doesn’t require a monthly subscription fee. YOW!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “The secret of getting ahead is getting started, preferably after a second iced caramel macchiato.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions, especially in the YouTube comment section.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment… like investing in non-fungible Ding Dongs!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been, or where the face-filter failed to load.”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody—unless it’s sparkling water served in a Stanley cup!”
Mark Twain Zippyism: “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear… or so my wearable device claims during a panic attack!”
* /

3.3 Kafka-esque Twist

Kafkaesque Zippyism: “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a verified X account. YOW!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The Trial has been postponed indefinitely, pending the verification of my CAPTCHA test! Am I a robot or a pinhead?!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “Before the Law stands a doorkeeper, but he won’t let me in until I complete a 45-minute customer satisfaction survey!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “I am a memory trace of an unwritten email, trapped forever in the outbox of the High Tribunal!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The Castle is imposing, impenetrable, and currently offering a 10% discount on first-time app orders!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “They condemned me to hard labor, which consists entirely of endless scrolling through LinkedIn connections.”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “A cage went in search of a bird, but it only found an abandoned Amazon Prime locker in New Jersey!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The official told me my permit was approved, but the file size was too large for human comprehension!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “My metamorphosis was complete: I was no longer a clerk, but a pop-up advertisement for frozen waffles!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “You can hold back from the suffering of the world, but perhaps this holding back is the only thing you could avoid—YOW!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The inspector arrived, but he was merely a chatbot trained on complete transcripts of Judge Judy!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “In the Penal Colony, the sentence is etched directly on the skin using a laser printer loaded with expired mustard!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “I am free and that is why I am lost… in a Target parking lot at 3:00 AM!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “I opened the door to the magistrate’s office, only to find an automated self-checkout register demanding an attendant!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The judgment was handed down: I am sentenced to life without parole inside a Peloton commercial!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “Every word written by the bureaucracy turns into a tiny paper crane that screams ‘Are we having fun yet?’”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything wrong, his account was shadowbanned!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The advocate promised to file my appeal as soon as the cloud server finishes its scheduled maintenance!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “I am writing from the inner chamber of the labyrinth, but the door handle is a cold, damp Spam can!”
Kafkaesque Zippyism: “The infinite corridor leads only to a closed DMV window where a typewriter plays synthwave!”

And remember, “Everybody gets free BORSCHT!”. YOW!